A United Front
Letters from Spouses
Wife Betrayed
Dear Shelly,
My heart just ached for you as I read your email. Your pain and experience are similar to my own, but there is hope (Hosea 6: 1-3). The Lord tears, Shelly, but then He does heal. His restoration is total and complete. Trust in Him alone and you will make it through.
It is normal to feel betrayed because you have been. Your husband has committed heart adultery; it is a terrible thing. He has sinned against you, and I pray he has sought your forgiveness for it.
As for your part, according to Scripture, it is necessary for you to forgive your husband if he asks you to (even up to seven times in a day). To forgive someone means that you will: promise to not bring this sin up to your spouse again (Psalm 103:10); not bring this sin up with other people (Psalm 103:12); not dwell on this sin yourself (Jeremiah 31:34).
However, this does not mean that you just immediately forget about the offense. There is no such commandment in the Scriptures. It is normal and proper that you should be somewhat wary for a time.
The good news is that as your husband seeks to build a new and godly relationship with you (a relationship that is based on trust and accountability and purity) then you will be able to forget these past sins against you. You will again be confident in his affections and your heart will be healed. This pain won't last forever. Are you seeing that Tom has a desire to build a new relationship with you? Is he completing his course work daily and seeking accountability from godly men (such as his mentor) and also you? Have you seen him seek ways to radically amputate that which has caused him to sin in the past? Let me know as able.
With respect to reading material, I have read "An Affair of the Mind." The book does have value to it but do bear in mind that her story is an extreme.
By way of encouragement, I would like to send you a copy of the book "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace--this is a complement book to the Exemplary husband book that is displayed on our website (we do not profit or receive any financial benefit from the sale of these books at all; we just think they are excellent resources). The Excellent Wife book is an extremely helpful book for all seasons of life because it is grounded in Scripture. Also, the book details how to deal with a sinning spouse very well in a chapter called "God's provision for Wives." If you are interested then send me your mailing address and I will get the book out to you this coming week.
Another book that is good is "Through Deep Waters--Help for hurting Wives" by Kathy Gallagher. You can get more info about this book at
https://s18.sslnet.com/cgibin/cgiwrap/plm/ssl/web_store.cgi?page=inventory.html&cart_id=&target=_s#dw
If the above link doesn't work then go to www.purelifeministries.org and go to their bookstore.
Many of your emotional struggles stem from lies that the Evil One is speaking to you. Recognize them as such and take those thoughts captive to Christ. Pour out your heart to God (Psalm 62:8) and tell Him all your anxieties and fears....He does care for you. Do all that you can to make yourself attractive to your husband and after that it is in the hands of the Lord. He is the only One Who is able to keep your husband from sin.
I am praying for you.
grace and love,
Jody
P.S. We have small children too so I understand the challenges that come with them. Our children are: Kaylee (13), Jeremy (11), Daniel (6), Joshua (2 1/2) and twin girls Charity and Joy (age: 4 months). How old are your children? boys or girls? :-) We love little ones.
|
