A United Front
Our Testimony
I knew of my husband's struggle with pornography before we married, but I truly believed that once we married I would be able to meet all his sexual needs so completely that he would no longer be drawn to pornography. Now I can see how ignorant I was. I was ignorant of sin and its power; and I was prideful to think that I could keep Mike from any sin--only God can keep any of us from falling into sin (Jude 24).
After we were married, I fell into a habit of rationalizing away any suspicions that I ever had about my husband being involved with pornography. I did not want to believe anything but the best of him; and besides I had no idea how to deal with the sin if it was exposed.
Eventually, the evidence of sin became so obvious that I knew I had to deal with it, but I was terrified and very hurt. I did not understand why my husband was sinning in this way, and I didn't know what to do to make it stop. I was a mess.
But to God's praise, we are members of a wonderful Christ centered church with a Pastor who is not only loving and kind but also tied to Scripture and an excellent Biblical counselor. So, when I came to him and told him of my concerns about Mike, my pastor was reassuring and comforting but also firm in his direction. My pastor told me that I would have to lovingly confront my husband about his sin. He taught me that to truly love someone is to want to see them successful in their walk with Christ so...if I truly loved Mike then I would have to confront him.
The problem for me was that I hate confrontation! I did not want to confront my husband with what I had discovered; but my pastor helped me and my husband responded to our loving and gentle rebuke. But...this is not the end of the story.
I was hoping that once Mike was confronted with his sin and then he confessed and asked for forgiveness that everything would be fine again and we could just all get on with our lives; but that isn't how things work with sin. Mike did repent of his sin of sexual impurity, but that did not mean that he was no longer tempted toward viewing pornography. In fact, for a while it seemed that temptation grew even more intense!
It was immediately apparent that we needed to make some radical changes to our lives because if we did not then we would just fall right back into sin. Therefore, we began to meet with our pastor on a regular basis to learn how to overcome this evil in our lives with the good truths of God's Word.
Under our pastor's instruction, we began to become more knowledgeable about how to be united in love and in spiritual warfare. I began to understand my husband and my role as his helpmeet much better, and Mike began to communicate openly and honestly about his needs and wants. We both wanted to do whatever it took to make our marriage successful and pure.
One of the first things that happened was that my husband gave his laptop computer away. . Mike travels for a living and is gone for three or four days at a time so he was often tempted to view pornography on the internet late at night when he was alone in his hotel room. Cutting off this access to pornography was very helpful to him.
Next, Mike and I sought ways to be accountable to each other. Mike began to bring home his receipts from the hotels where he stayed (these receipts would indicate all charges that were made to his room during his stay (phone calls, food, and movies, whatever). He also bought a cell phone, which allowed me to reach him anytime I wanted.
In all this time, I was not just an observer. I learned to make myself attractive to my husband and to make time for him. I had to learn that my husband was my number one priority (after God) and not my children. I began to learn how to truly love my husband; and how to build up my house rather than tear it down (Proverbs 14:1)
This is not to say that the past year has been all joy and bliss. We have had our struggles; but overall, I can look back and rejoice at God's grace and mercy in bringing us through this fire so that we might reflect His character.
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