A United Front

What do I do now?

A Biblical Reproof in Love

"If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, I repent, forgive him." Luke 17:3-4

If you are now sure that your spouse is engaging in sinful activities then you will need to lovingly confront him or her. You will be telling your spouse that what they are doing is contrary to what Scripture says to be right. Your reason for reproving your spouse will be to help restore them to a right relationship with God and then you.

As you prepare to confront your spouse, please consider the following:

Timing is important! "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven... a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak," Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 7

You should not confront (reprove) your spouse in front of others (this includes your children) or when you are in a wrong spirit (angry, bitter, hurt, etc.) or when you will not have enough time to talk through things. It is important to take the time to get your thoughts, emotions and Scriptures together ahead of time, and then to approach your spouse at a calm time with a loving heart.

What you say is important! " The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil." Proverbs 15:28

Think through exactly what you want to say. It might help to write it out. Think calm, gentle and loving. Reprove your spouse as you would like to be reproved. (Luke 6:31)

Be Specific and Give Hope; it is important! "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ" (Ephesians 4:15).

If you are like me then it might feel more comfortable to be general and to give vague hints at a reproof. The problem with this though is that your spouse will not hear or understand what you are saying! You are going to have to speak the truth in love; and you will need to be ready with a helpful and biblical solution. For example, if your spouse is involved with pornography then you might say something like, "Honey, I love you very much; and because I love you I need to talk with you about something I have discovered. I saw on our computer that you have been visiting pornographic sites while surfing the internet. I understand your desire to be stimulated sexually; however, Jesus said, 'But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.' Is there something I can do to help you in this area? If you would like I could sit with you while you surf the internet to help you overcome the temptation to visit those sites."

At this point, if you spouse humbly receives your rebuke and asks for forgiveness then you need to forgive him or her. To forgive your spouse means: