Setting Captives Free Testimonies

United Front Testimony

My husband and I have been married for 27 years. I have been on a very long journey to the point at which I am, currently. God has been so good to me through the pain and anguish caused by my husband's sin. Four years ago, I discovered that my husband was having an affair with a friend of ours from church. Once discovered, he told me he would end it immediately and that he was committed to our marriage. We were fortunate to discover a married couple that offered Biblical counseling which has been a God-send to us. (We continue to counsel with this same wonderful couple.) However, over the years, my husband didn't really seem like he was truly repenting. He would say the right things but not follow through. He would be loving and kind to me in the morning but by evening, when he returned home from work, it was as if he was a different person; combative and distant. Every few months or so,I would discover more evidence that the woman he had had an affair with was still in his life. He would vehemently deny that they were still committing adultery and that he was just helping her out, now and then because he cared for her. She would attend the same mass my husband and family attended which was very painful. I kept trying to trust my husband but I was getting more and more frustrated and fatigued with what was going on. I knew there was more to the story but my husband would not be truthful with me. Just a few months ago, after many weeks of heated conflict between us, nights spent away from each other and even a short, trial separation, all the truth came out when I discovered yet again, that this woman was in his life. I moved out of our home, took all of my belongings, and began the process of divorce. It was a wake-up call to my husband. Our children are grown and he hated being in our home, alone, without me. He had never wanted divorce but yet he could not break the addiction of his sexual sin and deceipt. He hit rock bottom. He told me everything that had been going on in his addiction with this woman for six years. He told me at what great lengths he went in which to cover it up and hide it from me. He told me how much she was pressuring him to divorce me. He told me how his pride kept him from seeing the ugly evil of his actions. He also told me that this wasn't his first adulterous affair and in fact, he had had three others, prior to this one, throughout our marriage. I was devastated! My husband is a well respected man in the community, our church and a great father to our kids. I had never expected to hear these secrets he had been carrying around in his heart for over 25 years of our marriage. It explained so much about our relationship. His quick-fire temper and disconnection from me no matter how much I tried to please him.

I had just about given up all hope of any sort of reconciliation between us when I moved out of our home. However, I really felt God leading me through the pain of the betrayal. My husband was finally broken and he repented of his sin. He not only came clean with me through his confession, but he confessed to God, our pastors, children, counselors and close friends. He broke off all contact with the other woman.

Our counselors suggested us doing the study on Sexual Purity from Setting Captives Free. My husband and I did it together every night. I also enrolled in United Front for spouses. It has helped me greatly manage my sorrow and change my heart, which was so full of anger once the shock wore off. The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace is very good and very challenging, especially when one is dealing with the level of pain newly caused by sexual sin. Some chapters left me feeling angrier but then after prayer and reflection, God worked on my heart to show me where I need to grow and repent from my own sin, which for me lies largely in reliving the hurt and feeling self-pity. I truly appreciated my mentor, Yvonne, throughout the course study. She responded to me after every lesson. Her encouragement and prayers were so comforting.

I feel I have come a very long way in a few months. I have stayed in my marriage, dismissed the divorce petition, moved home, and am giving my husband the chance he has asked for to show me that he has repented and wished to be the best, godly-husband he can be. I am working on forgiveness toward my husband and the woman who was once my friend. I wish I could say that I have totally forgiven my husband but I am not there yet. I am still working on it! My husband is earning my trust back each day. I am seeing great things happening in both my husband and myself through God's grace! We are both more humble now and very quick to reconcile if we argue. We're spending a lot of time together and we're trying to get away on short trips, each month. We are praying together in the morning and evening. We're attending daily mass together, which is wonderful. My husband holds my hand throughout the entire mass. We have also had our marriage blessed. We are, in short, trying to create a new marriage - a marriage that is truly honest, loving, Godly and holy. We have grown so much through Setting Captives Free, the support of our mentors, and the weekly support of our Biblical marriage counselors! God's loving hand has been on us throughout this arduous journey. I can say that now, my husband and myself, are a united front and we are willing to do whatever God wants of us in order to be closer to him and closer to each other in our sacrament of marriage.

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